I feel like I play a small role in so many of these different worlds that my friends have created for themselves around me, but no place that I belong to, or that belongs to me. I feel so disconnected. Like I just don’t belong here.
Red lipstick.
Friendssss
1
Bfflz
Lyfe.
At The (Wonder Bread) Factory- Nuit Blanche,DC
My life, as of lately.
snapshot1.
This is the first time I have seen my best friend in the entire world, since…last year?
I love him so much. I’m so lucky to have such a lovely friend in my life. I’ve known him since the third grade - 14 years. It’s one of those rare, but true friendships in which you don’t have to talk every day, or all the time to know that you care about each other. Sometimes, not having to say anything at all can say more than words could ever have the potential to…
I think I get it.
I think the reason I am so in love with Justin Vernon, and Bon Iver, is because… I can feel the pain of the memories. That lingering scarred sense of sadness that the past casts over you in your moments of weakness. Sometimes, you just have to let yourself feel your heart break. To remember how important it is to protect yourself; to love yourself. Love should be easy, and effortless. And if it’s not… then that’s not love. I’m still not certain that it exists, at least not for everyone… at least not for me. I think some of us are destined to be alone, because we are meant to do more; we’re meant to be more. We’re the chosen ones. The ones who have to make that sacrifice. The few who have been instilled with the strength to be alone, and be happy, and just manage to survive. Nothing in life comes easily. Nothing in life is perfect. But everything in life is beautiful. And everything in life has purpose. I have to be brave in my life, so others can be brave in theirs… I understand that now, more than ever. But, knowing doesn’t guarantee to make it any easier.
Sometimes, I sincerely feel like a hug would simply change my world. Having someone hold me in their arms, would make me feel complete. If only for a minute. Whether it’s real, whether it lasts… It’s a moment. And one more moment of feeling whole, is all that I long for.
I live a very blessed life, and I don’t take that for granted. But I’ve also just felt incomplete, for too long to ever truly be able to feel whole again. So, I’ll stick to loving Justin Vernon. Because, I can hear his voice, anytime I want. Because, he can make me cry, but feel better. Because when I listen to his songs, I feel music wrapped around me. I’ll love him, because he’s a fallacy. And so is love.
